The SECRET To Building Self Discipline EXPLAINED (Master Self-Control Today) | Jay Shetty

 i know you've experienced this you wake up in the morning ready to start the day early but your mind makes you press that snooze button you decide you're going to be really really healthy but your mind makes you break that promise and then makes you feel guilty for it afterwards or the best yet your mind has focused on preparing for this interview but reminds you of all of your flaws mistakes and rejections just before you walk inside how many of you have experienced any of these things before so let me tell you a personal story i remember once trying to give up chocolate fudge cake now i know that sounds crazy but for those of you who know me well you know that

i have a massive sweet tooth and i absolutely love chocolate cake so this was already going to be difficult but now as soon as i've made that commitment every time i walked past a bakery or a cake shop i literally felt like that cake was staring at me and there was a voice in my head that said buy me now eat me i mean i know i sound psycho right now but it's true right we have that feeling as soon as you make that commitment to yourself that you're going to have a healthy diet you're going to start working out whatever it may be we're triggered almost in the opposite direction by our own mind how does that happen why does it happen and how do we overcome it is what i want to share with you today to explain this we first have to understand the difference between the monkey mind which we're talking about right now and the monk mind so the monkey mind is always jumping from branch to branch it's always looking for the next pleasure or that instant gratification it's always looking for the short-term win it's the part of us that complains compares and criticizes but the monk mind the monk mind is focused on the root of the issue the monk mind is focused on discipline and long-term gain instead of being comparing complaining and criticizing the monk mind is calm composed collaborative caring and compassionate so if we want to make that transformation and that switch we have to understand how the mind works and i'm going to show you how the bhagavad-gita talks about this conversation that we all experience in our minds between the mind and the intelligence now how many times have you ever woke up in the morning and had that conversation in your head there's one voice that says go back to sleep you've had a really tough week you've been working so hard and there's another voice that says this is going to be the start of a great week you've had enough rest now's the time to get up and you're going to perform at the highest level this is a conversation between the mind and the intelligence the mind is the monkey mind the intelligence is the monk mind the monkey mind just wants to sleep be lazy lethargic and not focus on getting proper rest you probably were forced by that monkey mind to stay up the night before and watch a show till two am anyway the monk mind wants you to have a proactive start to the day proactive start to the week so here's what's happening we have five senses sight smell touch taste and hearing now all of these have different triggers so if we think about food you see good food right or let's say you see junk food you smell that junk food you know what that junk food tastes like you don't hear junk food i don't think anyway and as soon as that happens there's a response that goes straight to your mind now what happens in your mind and as you can see this is a very accurate drawing of what your mind really looks like inside but this area of your mind it reminds you of your past experiences you've had so when you see those fries you smell those fries you see those fries you touch those fries it sends a response to your mind your mind knows what those fries taste like it remembers the last time you had them and how good they felt and straightaway goes yes let's have them and so the mind goes sure let's go and plan and create and now we have those now we start to eat that and that is a recurring habit and cycle in our life it happens from everything from food that's bad for us to toxic relationships through to making bad career decisions the simple act of reminding ourselves of a positive experience with someone or something allows us to continue that repetition but now we all know this we all know that discipline is a core pillar in success we all know that being able to resist the urges of the mind can help us be more focused we all don't want to just be carried away procrastinating and overthinking all day we also don't want to live in a place where we just keep feeding our bodies and minds with stuff that's not good for it i know that you feel that i know that's why you're here and so there's one key thing that makes a difference now give me a moment while i draw this for you it's pretty much a work of art so i need some privacy just to get this right so now as you can see the god is the monk mind the intelligence the monk mind that stands in between the senses and the mind so now for most of us our monk mind is asleep our god is absolutely asleep or has been lazy for a while and therefore we've been in this recurring pattern but this now creates a new conversation so now every time there's something that you see that you want or smell or touch or taste or hear it first goes to the god and the god may say well by the way you just made a commitment last week that you want to stay off eating sugar you just made a commitment last week that you were going to work out three days a week right i'm going to make sure that you stick to that so even though your eyes are saying that bed looks more comfy than that bench press we are gonna go back and now it stops you from having that direct conversation with your mind which is always looking for that monkey mind and the easy way out so you've now added a level of conversation that's stronger but you're like but jay i mean you know is that willpower is that internal strength where does that god where does that monk mind come from so the monk mind comes from the following principle so the way we strengthen the monk mind and the god inside our minds so that we don't just give in to the temptations and the urges of the mind is through the four r's format so these four r's have to be done in order and when they're executed effectively you will know that your god and your monk mind is getting stronger the first r is reason you need a really powerful reason for why you're making this new change in your life if you don't have a deep profound reason in your life it will be really really difficult i'll give you an example if someone says that they want to quit drinking alcohol just because they want to do it it's different from someone saying i want to quit drinking alcohol because i want to save my family i want to keep my family together and this habit is ruining our interactions and so i really want to kick this habit notice the difference in reason right even if we want to learn something it's like oh i want to learn to play an instrument why oh just because i feel like it or i want to learn to play an instrument because i want to propose by playing the piano notice the depth of reason reason is the first r that's needed to strengthen the god and it's almost like the god building its foundation so the monk mind is based on creating a strong sense of reason now what i want you to do is choose that one thing you're trying to change in your life right now and i want you to ask yourself what's your real reason for wanting to change it what is your deep reason for wanting to change it now our reasons can also be negative or positive a negative reason can be revenge or negative reason can be getting our own back or showing people right it's kind of like that look at me now kind of feeling and we know that in the long term that won't satisfy us because again we're seeking validation from someone feeling differently about us but our reason being for people that we love a reason being for ourselves a reason being a really heartfelt deep internal belief that if we don't change this it's not going to be good for us all the people we love and so the first r is having a really strong reason so i'm just going to write that down so reason putting a check next to reason the second r that we need in our life is research your reason is given more ammunition and depth through good research what i mean by that is you may pick up the phone to a coach you may speak to someone who's already mastered that habit you may focus on reading about books and watching documentaries and listening to podcasts about that subject the more you absorb information the more likely you are to create transformation remember that the more you absorb information the more you're likely to create transformation because now you have so much research that is consistently convincing the god to help convince the senses every time you want something or see something or chase something the god can say but do you remember when we read that study do you remember when we watched that documentary do you remember when you spoke to that coach and all of a sudden you have so much more reasoning power when you research so the second step is research and the best way are books podcasts and people right books podcasts and people are the best forms of research when you want to create a habit change in your life make sure that what you listen to what you read and what you speak about is about the subject you're trying to grow in when you immerse yourself in that way you will see maximum impact in your life so the second r is research the third r is repetition repetition if we don't consistently make this a priority in our life it's just not going to happen we have to repeat that action so we have to prioritize around it and this is something i say often right if you really want to make something a priority in your life it has to be a small step and a big priority often what we try and do is we try and change every area of our life and then naturally nothing changes but the better thing to do is choose one area and make it your top priority so if you want to start going to the gym make that the one big thing you're going to achieve that day and set a time that you can actually make it don't set it at an awkward time i know someone who literally used to struggle working out so instead of that what she would do is when she would roll off the bed she would have her yoga mat and all of her gym equipment laid out right near her bed so she had no excuse right it was the first thing she saw in the morning and so she could naturally start exercising straight away that also is true for not triggering the senses right repetition also includes if you're trying to stay off sugar if you just don't have any sugar items in your closet or in your cupboard or in the fridge then there's no chance that you're going to have it so you can actually save yourself by removing it from the trigger of the senses so that is repetition the fourth r is responsibility right you want to be able to do this with someone you want to feel like you're growing with someone that's why having a tribe or a community or a group of people that are trying to aim for the same thing means you're more likely to get there you know if you're trying to start a new habit like cycling more if you're cycling with a group of people now guess what you're not just relying on your motivation you're relying on 10 other people to motivate you as well if you're going to the gym with a friend responsibility and accountability makes you more likely to get to your destination and there's a fifth hour actually that i just thought of and it's called reward you want to make sure that in any habit change there is some reward and a reward is making sure you recognize what amazing growth you're making that you're taking a moment to see look how far i've come because our mind again tricks us and always goes look how far you have to go it's really important that you remind yourself of how far you've come how much you've grown the difference you've made so the fifth and final are is reward so that's the 5r technique that i wanted to share with you today to strengthen the monk mind so that you don't allow your monkey mind to run a chaotic situation and system in your head over here if you want to dive deeper into these topics with me learn more about how they actually work the science behind them and the strategies to overcome them then please go and grab a copy of my book think like a monk where i dive deeply into the mind how it works and how we can make it our best friend [Music] thank you so much for listening and learning with me if you want even more videos like this one click on the boxes over here and oh by the way my book is out and i'm so excited it's called think like a monk and i can't wait for you to get it order it now by clicking here and i can't wait to keep making wisdom go viral together